Hey Clint
by dauntlessblackhawk
Summary: Clint Barton - Hawkeye falls into a coma while Natasha Romanoff - Black Widow waits for him to wake up and writes letters to him, starting each one with 'Hey Clint'. Deadly as she is, the Black Widow tries her best to express her feelings in these letters that were never meant for Barton to read. This fan fiction is inspired by 'Dear Natasha' by javct. Sequel of 'A Twist in Fate'.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, have no relations with Marvel and whatsoever. If I did, there would already be a Clintasha movie out there (how I wish).**

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**A/N: Hey guys, this is the first fanfic I've ever written. It's well obviously a Clintasha / Blackhawk one, they are my OTP. This is unfinished, tell me if I should continue, feedbacks and reviews are appreciated, much :)**

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12 November 2012

Hey Clint,

It's me, Natasha. You've been unconscious for two whole weeks already. Everyone's worried sick about you - by everyone I mean Hill and Fury and of course the whole Avengers team. I'm sure Coulson would be, if he was still here. Don't worry, you're not in S.H.E.I.L.D medical, I know that'd be the worst place you'd like to wake up in.

Please don't leave me yet, will you?

I've never opened up myself to you enough, always shutting everyone out, occasionally letting you in, I'm sorry about that, I really am. I shouldn't really blame anyone or anything but the fact is I had been brought up that way - the Black Widow with no emotions, heartless, frightening and traumatizing.

I'm going to write to you everyday (at least as much I can) till you wake up. I really never talked to you properly enough, I hope you get up one day and read these letters.

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15 November 2012

Hey Clint,

Do men even like receiving get-well-soon bouquets? Pepper and Jane sent you a bouquet of forget-me-nots when they heard about the incident.

I can't stop replaying the incident in my mind. Why were you so stupid? Why did you save me? Why sacrifice your life for a person like me? You know I won't forgive myself for this right? I'm sure you do. You shouldn't have saved me, you shouldn't have taken the bullet that was meant to end my pathetic life. I have a dripping red ledger that will never be wiped clear of, so why not just let me live a shorter life?

Tears are swelling up in my eyes now. You know I never cry, but I feel so guilty - I should've been the one lying on our bed unconscious. It hurts so much just to look at you. I've never felt this way before, I guess you really changed me, gave me back some emotions.

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21 November 2012

Hey Clint,

I have been trying so hard not to think about revenge.

Hill came around to our apartment yesterday and told us that they suspect it's the Red Room coming back for me again. I knew the bullet was for me. Maybe they heard about us leaving S.H.I.E.L.D for a vacation and thought it was the best time to kill me. Thank them for ruining our holiday. If you weren't unconscious now, we'd probably be hunting down that assassin already. But I can't do it without you, I'll turn mad and torture him like a psychopath. I don't want to do that cus I know you would never want me to, but part of me is aching for vengeance.

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26 November 2012

Hey Clint,

The S.H.I.E.L.D medical team came this morning. They said you still have some chance to wake up from your coma but the possibility is really slim. Please wake up, for me, just for me, please? Oh, now I even sound like you, this is just terrible.

I can't believe you took the bullet in your chest. Did you seriously have to?

I still remember so very vividly how we were kissing, you pushing me against a stony wall of a grey building and I spun us around till you were the one being pushed up against the wall. You leaning your head against mine while your lips mumbled how sorry you were for spilling my secrets to Loki again and again. Then something caught your eye and you instantly pushed me away so fiercely. I stood there frozen with shock and when I finally digested all that happened you were already bleeding so severely. 'Little help here, Tasha?' you said, whimpering, clutching your chest then falling to your knees.

I'm sorry I can't finish this letter today, my eyes are blurred by tears, my brain is flooded with memories, my heart is aching and racing.

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1 December 2012

Hey Clint,

It's been one month and two days since we last spoke, I miss your annoying voice so much. See how screwed up I am? There I said it, I miss you, and I mean it.

I can't sit beside you everyday waiting for you to wake up, Fury told me that I'll have to go back to S.H.I.E.L.D by next Monday, even if it means leaving you alone, and that's only two days away. Please wake up, I'm begging you.

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6 December 2012

Hey Clint,

I'm going on my first mission as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent without you tomorrow. No more stupid ass jokes, flirty stares and annoying lectures from you. Honestly, those are the parts of you that I miss most, except your touch of course.

I'm going to Romania, as a spy, I need to seduce some guy for some information I really don't care about. I don't feel like seducing anyone now, just you, if only I could. The Black Widow, the best spy and seductress in the world, now tired of her job, can you believe it? It's almost ironic.

Please wake up, Barton, please wake up, Clint.

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19 December 2012

Hey Clint,

Yes it's me again, wake up already will you? You know I'm not a person with everlasting patience. I came back from my solo mission and obviously did more than Fury expected. The med team came around again today and Banner did too. He said your brain has started showing symptoms of recovery but that I shouldn't get my hopes up yet.

Will you wake up already? This waiting is killing me inside. I hope what they said is true.

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24 December 2012

Hey Clint,

You know what? I just realized that I have never written to someone because I want to at all. You're the first, you're the first in so many things, the first who I really trusted, the first who I kiss because I want to, the first partner who survived the wrath of the Black Widow. I can go on, but I won't, the list is too long.

It's Christmas eve. Stark invited all of us to his building for a feast. I had declined his invitation at first, I didn't want to spoil the festival mood, but Pepper talked me through it, so I'm dressing up while writing this letter, yes literally, it's a pity you can't see me. It's time to wake up little Hawk.

I'm wearing the purple dress - the first dress you ever saw me in. It reminds me of our first dance, even if it was a cover, it's still something. I wish you could come with me tonight.

Wake up Clint, it'd be the best Christmas surprise ever.

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25 December 2012

Hey Clint,

Merry Christmas, I've been sitting beside you all day waiting for a miracle, that maybe, you would get up, call my name, kiss the breath out of me. You know, all those times I said love was for children, I meant it, but maybe, we're both still kids after all - our lost childhood, I guess?

The cocktail party in Stark tower was amazing, though I really wasn't in the mood, but then masks, masks and masks right? Rogers and Banner were there, even Thor and of course he brought Jane with him. They were so sweet, every time I looked at them my heart ached, if only you were there.

The med team will be here again on Monday. Please wake up before they come? I really hate putting up with them, even though I know they're just here to help. Don't leave me alone, Clint, don't leave me yet.

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29 December 2012

Hey Clint,

As I said, the med team came. The doctors said your brain has been recovering quite quickly and your blood circulation has stabilized, some sign of hope, they said. Prove them wrong and just wake up already will you? This waiting is driving me in sane. I've decided that if you leave me, I'll quit S.H.I.E.L.D, I don't even know what I'll do with my life anymore.

Don't die yet. You're stronger than you think you are, I know that.

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1 January 2013

Hey Clint,

Happy new year, though I'm siting beside you alone, writing letters again.

Nothing much happened, I might be sent off to another mission without you, this time maybe with Rogers. I don't think I'm ready for another partner yet..if only they understood.

I really hated how you could read me like a book, you know? But then you were the only one who ever cared to spend so much time trying and trying even though I keep on putting up walls. I miss you Clint, I miss our stupid banters, your stare, your touch, your voice, I miss how you look at me like I'm the whole world to you. I miss everything about you.

Please just give me one last smile, one last hug, one last kiss before you leave me, if you really have to. One is enough, just one.

I wonder what I'll do with these letters if you wake up. Maybe I'll tell you about them some day, maybe I'll burn them in the fireplace in our living room, maybe I'll just let you find them yourself. I don't know, but please, just wake up from your coma, Clint.

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**Tell me what you think and how the story should continue! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Continuation of the previous chapter, as last time, reviews are much appreciated :D**

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3 January 2013

Hey Clint,

It's been more than two months since we last spoke. Do you hear or feel anything while in a coma? Probably not - I had been lying beside you on your bed the whole day, staring at the washed-out greyish yellow ceiling and telling you things about me that I had never told a single soul. I told you about my experience in the Red Room, about those children I had been forced to brutally, heartlessly, kill. I told you all memories of my parents that I can conjure up. I hope you couldn't hear them, but then part of me actually wants you to know. I don't even know what I want now - my head and my instincts telling me to do polar opposite things, make totally conflicting decisions.

There's a new threat in Brazil - Diego Torres, who claims to have codes that access all nuclear weapons in South America. Is that even necessary? He's such a stupid, naive, brainwashed, mad man. And you'd tell me 'Oh shut up, everyone in your world is a stupid jackass.' Yes, sadly, almost everyone in this planet is, in my opinion. (I can even hear your voice in my head now, I seriously have to fix myself up.) People like him are just going to destroy the world some day and by that time, no one will be there to save it. Fury sent a pair of junior agents there today. I hope they succeed. I seriously don't want to dirty my hands again, I'm not ready for a change yet.

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7 January 2013

Hey Clint,

I'm off to a mission in 2 hours. The one in Brazil. Alone. Junior agents are useless as hell. This will be my second mission as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent without you. Everything's completely different without you here, you know? I don't want to boost your egotistic pride but you keep me sane. That's almost a fact already and you probably know that anyway.

Those stupid white coats just left a few minutes ago. They said something about your cells maturing and developing fast and shit I didn't really care to listen about. All I want is for you to wake up. Wake up, Clint, wake up.

I'll be back in 4 days, I hope.

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12 January 2013

Hey Clint,

I nearly died in the mission. You don't need to know the details but I'm in S.H.I.E.L.D medical now as I write to you and this place sucks like hell. I want to break out but I'm tired of planning, thinking and moving already. And anyways, Fury and Hill are probably watching me so I guess I'll just cooperate with them, for once.

I've not slept for eight whole days already, I think I'm on the edge of another bad shut down. The problem is insomnia leaves me sleepless during nights when I really try to sleep. All S.H.I.E.L.D agents have this problem, I know you do too - so I'm quite glad you're finally taking some good rest, but damn you two and a half month is too much right?

Open your eyes, Hawkeye.

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13 January 2013

Hey Clint,

Its been two and a half months since that incident already, but I still can't seem to control myself properly. My brain never stops replaying the scene and it hurts so much. Every time I hear a tiniest sound I panic. It's not normal, I know but I can't fix this, especially not without you.

You're not dead yet, and I'm still alive trying to recover from those breaks. I've had naps but still can't sleep. Maybe I should really quit S.H.I.E.L.D and try live a normal life.

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16 January 2013

Hey Clint,

This waiting is killing me. The doctors said you didn't worsen, but you didn't get any better either. What on earth is wrong with you? Can't you just open your eyes and come back to reality? Stop dreaming and stop sleeping. This is madness.

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20 January 2013

Hey Clint,

I've fully recovered and Fury is sending me to another mission in Texas. I hate that place. I'm going to spy on some illegal underground activity, I wonder if they really have no other agents to send. I'm going with Rogers this time, he came back from his short trip around half the world to help out in S.H.I.E.L.D - that's one of the stupidest decision I've ever heard a person make. I hope nothing happens during the mission and that nothing goes wrong, I don't think I'm ready to save another person's ass right now.

I can't believe I saved you from dying so many times in all those missions that you were supposed to watch my back. You really have to work on your life-saving skills.

I'm leaving now, wake up before I come back from another shitty mission please? I honestly want my partner back. Please, Clint?

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29 January 2013

Hey Clint,

I'm back and you're still sleeping. Enjoy your sleep. I still miss your annoying voice. You are very annoying, yes, always pissing me off with your cheesy, flirty jokes.

I want you back, Clint. Come back.

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1 February 2013

Hey Clint,

Three months. It's been three months since we talked. Three months since you touched me. Three months since I saw you - the real you. Three months is a hell lot. I can't believe I survived. I can't believe I'm still alive. I would have killed myself already if you died immediately after the shot. S.H.I.E.L.D is still tracing that person. They are so damn slow - as usual. I might as well try to hack the Red Room's computer system.

I'm going to Bucharest later in the afternoon. Another solo mission. I don't want to be on my own. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of fighting, tired of trying.

I told you to never make promises you can't keep. Broken promises just makes it hurt even more. I hate you Barton, I hate you so damn much.

Don't you dare leave me, Clint Barton, not yet. And don't ever promise something that's not in your control. Never again, do you hear me?

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4 February 2013

Hey Tasha,

It's been so long since I heard your voice, seen you and even touched you. I called Hill and she told me the date - three months? I was unconscious for three months! Really? This is purely insane.

Oh God I miss you so much Tasha.

I woke up with a start then slowly took in where the hell I am and why I'm not in S.H.I.E.L.D stupid medical. Thank you for that. I found these letters lying on the dressing table beside your bed and I saw that they were for me so I read them. I'm sorry if I wasn't meant to read any of them, no I'm actually not but either way, thank you for taking the time to write to me even though you have a zillion better things to do. I thought you'd actually move on and leave me here, after all, I'm just another piece of shit to you, another man who's in love with an unlovable Russian woman , another person with emotions run by lust. You have no idea how relieved I am to find these letters here, at least you're not gone forever. You'll come back, right Tasha? I'll be here waiting for you.

I'm sorry I nearly died. I'm sorry I left you alone. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise, but I'll do whatever I can to keep you safe and you know that. I'm sorry I left you for three stinking months, made you go through all these shit on your own. I'm sorry I couldn't comfort you, hold you and piece you back together all this time. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you as you fight your inner devil. I'm sorry, Tasha, and this time I really am. I'm so so sorry.

Please don't think about it anymore, you know I had no choice. You know I'd do anything to keep you safe. You know that, and I was just acting according to my instincts. I know you'll never forget, but please just try, try and shut it away in another corner of your mind - you can do that, I know you can - you're such a control freak. Please, Tasha, let's not ever talk about it. You don't know how glad I am that you and I are still both alive - after all, that's all that really matters right? Just like you said. I miss you, Tasha. Don't ever cry for me again okay? If I really die, you need to move on, there are so many men out who are better than me, and Tasha, believe me, you deserve a much better partner. Don't dwell on useless things like me, don't let your mind linger in memories of the past. Look forward - that's what you've always done. Don't make me an exception. Love again; feel again.

Thank you, Natasha Romanoff, I can't thank you enough. Thank you for making me want to live. Thank you for giving me a reason to live for. Thank you for making me want to be a better man. Thank you for letting me realize my meaning of life. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you, Natasha, thank you Tasha.

I never told you enough, but, I love you, Tasha, I love you, I love you, I love you.

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**This shall be the end of "Hey Clint". I thank you so much for the reviews of the previous chapter. This is my first fanfic and I hope I can be more inspired to write better stories! Don't forget to review what you think about my story and give me some ideas to write the next! **

**If you like this story, try check out my new one - 'A Twist in Fate', a preceding story to 'Hey Clint' :)**


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